Monday, January 23, 2012

Tashlich: On the Jewish New Year

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:

  • For ordinary sins White Bread

  • For erotic sins French Bread

  • For particularly dark sins Pumpernickel

  • For complex sins Multi-Grain

  • For twisted sins Pretzels

  • For tasteless sins Rice Cakes

  • For sins of indecision Waffles

  • For sins committed in haste Matzoh

  • For sins of chutzpah Fresh Bread

  • For substance abuse Stoned Wheat

  • For use of heavy drugs Poppy Seed

  • For petty larceny Stollen

  • For committing auto theft Caraway

  • For timidity/cowardice Milk Toast

  • For ill-temperedness Sourdough

  • For silliness, eccentricity Nut Bread

  • For not giving full value Shortbread

  • For jingoism, chauvinism Yankee Doodles

  • For excessive irony Rye Bread

  • For unnecessary chances Hero Bread

  • For telling bad jokes/puns Corn Bread

  • For war-mongering Kaiser Rolls

  • For dressing immodestly Tarts

  • For causing injury to others Tortes

  • For lechery and promiscuity Hot Buns

  • For promiscuity with gentiles Hot Cross Buns

  • For racist attitudes Crackers

  • For sophisticated racism Ritz Crackers

  • For being holier than thou Bagels

  • For abrasiveness Grits

  • For dropping in without notice Popovers

  • For over-eating Stuffing

  • For impetuosity Quick Bread

  • For indecent photography Cheesecake

  • For raising your voice too often Challah

  • For pride and egotism Puff Pastry

  • For sycophancy, ass-kissing Brownies

  • For being overly smothering Angel Food Cake

  • For laziness Any long loaf

  • For augmenting your breasts with implants Cup Cakes

  • For habitual errors Muffins For trashing the environment Dumplings

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